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How to Effectively Manage Your Boss



Don't be fooled; just because there is a hierarchy at your place of work, it doesn't mean that smarts and professionalism are apportioned according to the pyramid. The guy on top likely isn't the smartest or most capable - he probably has the largest teeth and nicest hair of his crop of MBA graduates, but not much else. And your boss isn't necessarily the best and brightest - it's more likely that their plodding, consistent traits are favored by upper management, over your annoying insistence on constantly having original thoughts.
So you need to get out in front of this potentially career-ending issue, causing you to leave your cubicle for fairer pastures many weeks, even months before you had originally planned to bail out in a huff, escorted by the Maintenance Engineer.  You have to manage your boss, or your boss will (shudder) manage you. Here are some tips:

1)  Always Take Notes. Even (Especially!) in Private Conversations

Your boss will, at first, think you are studious. Then, thorough. But you have to make a LOT of notes - like, scribble furiously, especially when he speaks. If he ever asks, say "I just want to keep things straight - for later". If he has a habit of raising his voice or making potentially unsafe-for-work remarks, stare him in the eye while you slowly make a very obvious check mark in your notebook.

2) Limit Your Availability

"Hey, Mike, can you come to my office for a minute?"
"Um, how about 45 minutes from now? I have a conference call."
"Who is on the call? What's it for? Why wasn't I invited?"
"Oh, I'm sure it's not important - a last minute thing one of those darned VPs pulled me in on. I'll catch you soon - if we don't go over."

3) Get His Final Answer

Whenever your boss comes up with a plan, ask something like "And you're sure this is the direction you want to go with it?". If questioned on your questioning, just say "Oh, no reason - I think it's a brave choice. Godspeed, soldier!" and place your hand on their shoulder, reassuringly while you look at the ground and sigh as you slowly shake your head in a resigned "no".

4) Let's Do Lunch!

Mention cool new burger or taco places in your area. Talk about a great conversation you had with a co-worker over a beer. Then, on a regular basis, say to your boss "Yeah, we'll grab lunch one of these days!" - make sure and say this before he or she ever invites you. Make it sound great and repeat it - "you free for lunch one day next week?" until they finally tell you they are free and ask you to lunch. Then tell them you have other plans, that you have to take a rain check, but definitely don't make arrangements. If they ever ask again, say the same thing. Then stop talking about lunch forever.

5) Use the Printer for Back-Channel Communications

Locate the network printer your boss uses. Make sure to print some things there so he can see you retrieve them, maybe say "oh, I wanted to show you this". Then, occasionally, send 5 copies of your resume to that printer and don't pick them up. Or write a "No Thank You" letter to a fictitious would-be employer, turning down an offer for a position similar to (or above!) that of your current boss, mentioning that the offer of (outrageous sum) dollars is generous, but you enjoy the relative ease and low responsibility of your current position, and are confident you will be advancing soon within your own company, based on certain personnel situations of which only you and the HR department are aware. Be creative - sometimes just a list of random character strings on a page titled "Administrator Passwords" is enough to keep the Boss occupied for a day or two.

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